12.06.2003
once upon a time...
i came face to face with my past tonight in a way that i haven't done in a long time. and to be perfectly honest, it wasn't overly easy. i have done my best to forgive and forget, with the emphasis on forgetting. but, at the same time, i think it can be good to look back sometimes, and at least assess some things. while i am not proud of what i did in my past, it happened, and now cannot be changed. i realized tonight that the things i did back then may end up have consequneces in the here and now, ones certainly not forseen back then. but? i take full responsibilty for my actions, both then and now, and if there are consequences to pay for those actions, i will pay them. i will not let my past determine my future. i will not fear consequences that would perhaps hinder my future, and thereby let my past keep me in fear and be the ruler of who i am. my past is part of me, whether i like it or not, and has helped form me into what i am today, for better or for worse. my past is what was, not what is, or what will be; and in that lies the fullness of grace.
i came face to face with my past tonight in a way that i haven't done in a long time. and to be perfectly honest, it wasn't overly easy. i have done my best to forgive and forget, with the emphasis on forgetting. but, at the same time, i think it can be good to look back sometimes, and at least assess some things. while i am not proud of what i did in my past, it happened, and now cannot be changed. i realized tonight that the things i did back then may end up have consequneces in the here and now, ones certainly not forseen back then. but? i take full responsibilty for my actions, both then and now, and if there are consequences to pay for those actions, i will pay them. i will not let my past determine my future. i will not fear consequences that would perhaps hinder my future, and thereby let my past keep me in fear and be the ruler of who i am. my past is part of me, whether i like it or not, and has helped form me into what i am today, for better or for worse. my past is what was, not what is, or what will be; and in that lies the fullness of grace.
12.03.2003
breathing...
feels so nice to have all the work for this class done and out of the way. i feel like i have some room to breathe now. i have one more class that i have stuff due for, but it isn't due until like april, so i am not too stressed about that. now that i have some extra time, maybe i can get back to doing some things that i enjoy... i can get back into the gym, which will def. be a good thing. i can also maybe get back to studying latin. i haven't touched it in quite some time. going to dinner at a friend's house tonight, that should be fun. other than that? gonna clean my room, b/c it def. needs it!!!
feels so nice to have all the work for this class done and out of the way. i feel like i have some room to breathe now. i have one more class that i have stuff due for, but it isn't due until like april, so i am not too stressed about that. now that i have some extra time, maybe i can get back to doing some things that i enjoy... i can get back into the gym, which will def. be a good thing. i can also maybe get back to studying latin. i haven't touched it in quite some time. going to dinner at a friend's house tonight, that should be fun. other than that? gonna clean my room, b/c it def. needs it!!!
12.02.2003
me again...
yeah. got my group work all done, i think. so, that is a huge thing off my chest. lots more free time now! other than that? has been a pretty productive day. could have been more so, but hey, i did a load of dishes, so i think that is a good day. lol... life has been interesting the last couple weeks, as at least somewhat evidenced by this blog, i hope. and it only continues to be more so... i can't beleive tomorrow is the middle of the week already! man! anyhow... time for this cowboy to hi the hay...
yeah. got my group work all done, i think. so, that is a huge thing off my chest. lots more free time now! other than that? has been a pretty productive day. could have been more so, but hey, i did a load of dishes, so i think that is a good day. lol... life has been interesting the last couple weeks, as at least somewhat evidenced by this blog, i hope. and it only continues to be more so... i can't beleive tomorrow is the middle of the week already! man! anyhow... time for this cowboy to hi the hay...
Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I’m not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
Twenty four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
See I’m not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You’re raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I wan to be one today
Centered and true
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You’re raising the dead in me
I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You’re raising the dead in me
Twenty four oceans
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
Life is not what I thought I was
Twenty Four hours ago
Still I'm sing Spirit take me up in arms
I’m not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.
Twenty-Four
Switchfoot
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I’m not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
Twenty four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
See I’m not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You’re raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I wan to be one today
Centered and true
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You’re raising the dead in me
I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You’re raising the dead in me
Twenty four oceans
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
Life is not what I thought I was
Twenty Four hours ago
Still I'm sing Spirit take me up in arms
I’m not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.
Twenty-Four
Switchfoot
They won't see
The fire you have lit inside of me
They look up to the stars
And wonder where you might be
They look up without realizing
That they're standing right there in the palm of your hand
I can't explain or understand
I just love You
It's common knowledge
That you've been dead for a while
It's well known that the cross is only a burden
With pains and trials
But then again how come my shoes are so light
How come I can walk for miles
And still just love You
So I think I'll stay
Caught up in a silent prayer
Cause I believe in silence
Our hearts speak the same word
So why don't we just walk along
The shoreline with our silent song
Cause I believe in Silence
Our hearts speak the same word
We have to prove
That our love is real over and over again
But let them think what they want
Cause I know it will never end
Because I know where it began
And my heart still pounds twice as fast
Whenever you walk by
Cause I still love you
So I think I'll stay...
Silence
Blindside
The fire you have lit inside of me
They look up to the stars
And wonder where you might be
They look up without realizing
That they're standing right there in the palm of your hand
I can't explain or understand
I just love You
It's common knowledge
That you've been dead for a while
It's well known that the cross is only a burden
With pains and trials
But then again how come my shoes are so light
How come I can walk for miles
And still just love You
So I think I'll stay
Caught up in a silent prayer
Cause I believe in silence
Our hearts speak the same word
So why don't we just walk along
The shoreline with our silent song
Cause I believe in Silence
Our hearts speak the same word
We have to prove
That our love is real over and over again
But let them think what they want
Cause I know it will never end
Because I know where it began
And my heart still pounds twice as fast
Whenever you walk by
Cause I still love you
So I think I'll stay...
Silence
Blindside
hmm...
ever have those one or two little things about yourself that you are always trying to change, and yet never seem to quite get there? or, you do well for a while and then all of a sudden, it comes creeping up behind you and beats you one over the head? lol... yeah. i think everyone has things like that. i think that a lot of my failings in overcoming them is due to pride. i think that i can do it, or that i am the one who is responsible for doing well, when in reality, it is mostly due to the strength that i should be getting from Christ. so, yeah. that's what's on my mind tonight.
ever have those one or two little things about yourself that you are always trying to change, and yet never seem to quite get there? or, you do well for a while and then all of a sudden, it comes creeping up behind you and beats you one over the head? lol... yeah. i think everyone has things like that. i think that a lot of my failings in overcoming them is due to pride. i think that i can do it, or that i am the one who is responsible for doing well, when in reality, it is mostly due to the strength that i should be getting from Christ. so, yeah. that's what's on my mind tonight.
11.30.2003
on December's eve...
okay, so where did the rest of my year go? how is it that it can be the lst day of november already? i am not too sure. just under 4 weeks until Christmas. hmm... crazy. i don't have a clue as to what i am getting anyone for Christmas. as much as i love getting things for people, the difficulty of trying to find the right things is about enough to make me want to throw my hands up and say the heck with the whole thing. maybe i'll just do money for Christmas this year. i dunno.
spent some time with my sis last night; that was a good thing. she leaves for college in January, and i haven't gotten to hang out w/ her much, so? that's wahat i did last night, mostly. managed to get a few hundred words in my story, so that was cool. maybe when i get a chapter all done, i'll post it up for y'all to read. maybe.
okay, so where did the rest of my year go? how is it that it can be the lst day of november already? i am not too sure. just under 4 weeks until Christmas. hmm... crazy. i don't have a clue as to what i am getting anyone for Christmas. as much as i love getting things for people, the difficulty of trying to find the right things is about enough to make me want to throw my hands up and say the heck with the whole thing. maybe i'll just do money for Christmas this year. i dunno.
spent some time with my sis last night; that was a good thing. she leaves for college in January, and i haven't gotten to hang out w/ her much, so? that's wahat i did last night, mostly. managed to get a few hundred words in my story, so that was cool. maybe when i get a chapter all done, i'll post it up for y'all to read. maybe.
