unhindered and (seemingly) illogical

and i am outta here for the weekend, a nice little quiet getaway...
-maverick-

yep, it's that day again.
and i really don't think much of it...
i probably would have forgot, save for all the people dressed in red or pink today in the cafe.
yep, it surely is that day again.
but it's just another day, and that's cool by me...
never was a big fan...
-maverick-

Coldplay.
The Gorge @ George, Washington.
May.
And I have a ticket...
-maverick-

so, appearantly my aura is blue...............lol!!!
not purple, but?
-maverick-

well, it's four in the afternoon, and i haven't even posted yet. hmm... this is unusual of late. anyhow, i am on here now, and fully intend on writing a bit, so? sit back, and enjoy the show... and yeah, i am little hyper right now. my weekend has officially started, which is definitely a good thing. tomorrow it gets even better! i get to get outta here for the weekend, and just go chill with my friend, which should be a blast! so, i am way looking forward to just getting to hang out, and pretty much do nothing. i have a paper that i should really try and finish before i leave. other than that? i am just trying to get that and all other kinds of school related stuff done. internships and various other things that must be accomplished some time this semester. so, yeah... good day. but? time to go do something a little more useful than this...
-maverick-

well... had a good night tonight. played some hockey w/ my youth boys... kinda frozen still... kinda tired... i think i am going to try, hopefully more successfully so than last night, to go to bed at a decent time. but, we'll see...
-maverick-

hmm... i have skipped two of my 3 classes today. yeah, i know i should be going.... but, they were both being taught by the teacher's assistants. which is kinda annoying, 'cause they usually don't know very much, and the classes generally bite. so, i decided not to go. oh well. so, instead, i am going to try and work on my history paper maybe...
-maverick-

two more things quickly:
1) that last post was 738 words for anyone who really wanted to know... why can't my papers be that easy to bang out?
2) i do hereby resolve to eat something other than pizza in the cafe today, no matter what! :)
-maverick-

well, here i am again, not much later.... i should be memorizing some stuff for class later, but i reqally feel more like writing something, and that is what this is for, so i thought that i would do that. i am just sitting here listening to blindside, one of those bands i hardly ever listen to, but every once in a while i get in the mood... i am not much of a fan of hardcore, but once in a while i like it. anyhow... i don't really know that i have a point to what i am writing on here right now, but it feels good just to sit and write a little bit. maybe i should stuff a piece of paper in my good 'ole silent-super and peck away at the keys... there is definitely some creativity lurking in the back of my mind somewhere, but i don't know that it is ready to make an appearance just yet. it usually takes me some time to try and figure out what it is exactly that my brain or my heart are trying to say. i can't usually just sit down and write. i have all kinds of ideas, but they just don't ever really work out quite the way i want them to. i just can't force it. however, i'll just be minding my own biz, and all of the sudden i'll be overwhelmed with a desire to write something, anything, and usually just start writing... and this is usually when i write what i consider to be my better stuff. i could be wrong, though. meh? i certainly don't claim that my writing is any good, although a few people that have read it have said that it was. but, they could just be saying that. i trust most of them to really tell me what they think, so? even of they thinkit is good or not, i generally don't think much of what i write to be worth reading... (this would most definitely fall into this category... lol) however, i find that sometimes words are the only way i know how to express myself. i don't write for other people. i write for me, and if someone else happens to take something from what i write, then that's all the better, but it is merely a by-product. quite often i just don't know how to feel things... or i feel something, and just don't know what it is... and so i will often just write then, and it will help me figure out what is going on. i am just starting to learn how to go back and change what i have written. i used to just write it and leave it, for better or for worse. i used to feel that whatever came out was what i intended, and that to change what was on the page would be to change what i felt at the time. if that makes any sense at all? i doubt it, and i'm sorry if i've lost you by now, i know this is getting to be long, and ceasing to make sense... but? i understand, so? but i now realize that i don't always get it right the first time. while i generally try and avoid changing the contnet of what i write, or the emotion or meaning that i am trying to convey, i have found that it is okay to change some things here and there. i have written some stuff that i know was so so, but that contained some good points. and often, with just a little refining, it is something much better, and probably even reflects what i was trying to communicate more accurately. i am finding that for me the biggest thing is to get it all out on the paper while i feel that pull to write something, and not worry if it's perfect right then. just write with the words that come, get it down, and then i can go back and tune it up a little bit. there's a lit of freedom in realizing that i am not betraying myself by doing a little editing.

anyhow... now that i have certainly lost anyone who dared to start reading this insanely long post.. i am going to wrap it up. i won't apologize for it, just the rantings of a wannabe writer... writing about..........writing.... yeah, okay, bye.
-maverick-

so, nothing like a little sleep to make everything seem all better...
not that it was ever bad to begin with...
just really frustrating when you get woken up by freshman being loud, and then you can't back to sleep, yeah...
but?
i did manage to get some decent sleep, so i feel pretty decent.
other than that?
i have a long afternoon of classes, and then on to work with the youth...
typical wednesday.
-maverick-

if i knew how to cry anymore, right now would be the time to exercise that...
except i don't.
-maverick-

so, i think that an early bedtime is beckoning me... yeah, i know. i never go to bed early, which probably explains why it is only 10 pm, and i am completely exhausted. that and there is some kinda nasty flu bug going around, which i certainly don't want to catch. so, sleep should be good... so, bed by 10:30? yeah, i actually hope so. that, and if i don't go to bed while i am tired, i won't get a wink of sleep later... so, g'night world...
-maverick-

by the way, the sunset tonight is absolutely gorgeous! that's one thing at least that i don't mind about the plains...
-maverick-

yeah, i know... how bored am i? this bored appearantly... i am just kicking it. i need to clean my room... myabe i will get around to that. then maybe some reading, seeing as how i don't really have any other homework to do at the moment. well, i do, but none of it is pressing. hmm... i feel the urge to go out w/ my nikon and take some pics, but? it is just a little on the cool side to be doing that sorta thing, i am thinking. i just need to get my camera in my hands again. i miss that feeling. especially the feel of my nikon. yeah.
-maverick-

so, prof. was sick, so class was cancelled, and the paper that was due thursday is now due next tuesday. sweet. and my paper that was supposed to be due feb. 27 is now due mar. 11. craziness...

so... i don't know quite what to do with myself now. i have some reading to do, so maybe i will do a little of that...? i don't know... but, i am getting off here.
-maverick-

so, just got 5 min. to kill between classes, so here i am... so far, a pretty good day. a little tired, i had a fitful sleep last night for some reason... been like that for the last week or so, but? i don't know why. one more class to go, then i am done for the day... yeah. then on to homework... not cool. but anyhow... it is a beautiful, if a bit windy, sunnny day outside today, which is nice. but.... time for clas now... so, i am off...
-maverick-

wow. God is so good!!! i don't even know if i can put it into words how much He is showing me this, but he most assuredly is! He is good to me for no reason in particular. yeah... God is amazing.

to make things even better, i have a nice big slice of really good cheddar cheese in my hand right now... lol... i love good cheese! ok, so i have now revealed another of my many oddities.... oh well. i like cheese. :)

but, i think i am going to go do some reading, now that i have my spectacles back... :) and than i am soon going to go to bed, b/c i have to get up (sorta?) early. meh. g'night all...
-maverick-

so, i added that comment thinger... aka, "shout out". i even figured out how to put it where i wanted it... lol. now if only i could figure out how to change what it says... oh well, i feel good for accomplishing what i did... i am not sure just why i added it, it just seemed like the thing to do, so? feel free to be the 1st to comment...
-maverick-

so, i should be working on a paper for my history class, but? i have absolutely no motivation to do it, really. i just don't want to. that, and i really don't know what i am talking about, so that kinda makes it difficult... lol...

but, other than that, it has been a really great day! just good... no spectacular reasons why, just is. except for the quiz that i didn't do too hot on, but it's only worth a couple percent, so? should be all good... now if i could just get this headache to go away...
-maverick-

these things You ask of me
make fear consume my being
and yet the truth of who You are
drives out the fear that i know
and so the struggle ensues
between knowing You and knowing fear
both cannot be in me
and the choice is mine alone which to affirm
i hear You calling me
and i am afraid to answer
afraid of what it is going to cost me
but Your perfect love drives out my fear
Your perfect love surrounds me
and of your strength i obey
for it is not of my own volition
but soley of Your grace to me
-maverick-

so, yeah. amazed by my God once again. as always... He can be trusted. something i seem to forget all too easily.

monopoly is definitely more fun if you cheat... lol... and so it seems the memory game is all about forgetting, really... :) there is some truth in that... lol...

today has been a really good day. aside from over sleeping a bit... which was my fault. but, it has just been good. and i am thankful for that. and i had something really big and profound which i was going to write, and..............................i have no idea what it is now. so, i guess this will do. God is Good!!
-maverick-

i am most definitely arts and crafts challanged...
-maverick-

yeah, so i definitley didn't go to bed until 4 am. and i definitely slept until noon. so, yeah, i missed church. i kinda wanted to go, and i was awake at 10, so i could have gotten up and gotten ready, but i felt like a zombie. so, i went back to sleep. i feel kinda bad about it now... sorry, God. anyhow... nothing too exciting today... just a quiet sunday afternoon ahead from the looks of it. reading, homework, etc... note to self: those silly card matching games that you played as a kid, they don't get any easier...! oh, and never play monopoly with Ebenezer Scrooge... lol. anyhow, time to hit the books...
-maverick-